Happy Birthday Grace & Ellie Potvin!

Today is Grace and Ellie Potvin's 9th birthday. Ellie passed away in June due to cancer. While Grace celebrates without her twin sister physically by her side, Ellie celebrates in Heaven. Please continue to pray for the Potvin family as they celebrate without Ellie. We Love You sweet Ellie Belly! We Love You Amazing Grace!

XOXO

March 9th, 2010

I thought that maybe I should share my story of the day my world came crashing down. The day I learned what true heartache is. The day I realized that I need to kill cancer.

Layla took up my whole heart when I found her. I didnt know one thing about cancer- except that it could kill. I didnt know children get cancer. A baby. Maybe it was those striking blue eyes that caught me, or that gorgeous beanie, but I knew from the moment I found her, that I loved her. And that I would not give up to fight beside her. I sat there reading through every single tweet, reading through every single blog. Layla quickly became the most important thing in my life at the moment. God put her im my life for a reason. God put her on this earth for a reason.

March 9, 2010. It was a regular Tuesday. I woke up, got ready for school. With a little time left before I would need to head out, I went to check my twitter. I went to check for an update on Layla Grace. I remember looking at the time- 7:10 am. I had 10 minutes before I needed to leave. There was no updates on Layla. At this point I was a mess. I prayed, more than I have ever prayed before, for God to spare little Layla's life. I wanted to believe in miracles. I questioned him and his decisions. And so I prayed... For her to let go. To be put out of this suffering. To be put out of pain.. It was by far the hardest thing I ever had to do.

I logged off and looked at the time again- 7:15 am. It was like I knew something was wrong. I wanted to stay home and just let it out. CRY. It didnt mean I was weak then and it doesnt mean I am weak now. My tears were my Fear leaving my body. And yet I was still so terrified. I live in a different time zone that Layla. So, 7:15 here was 6:15 down there. Even though I was an hour away from the actual death, I still felt horrible. I dont even thing horrible is the word. I was devestated. In this scary, foggy, position. I left to school for the day...

School was as normal as it gets. Other than the fact that I was holding tears back throughout the day, constantly looking at the sky and singing Rascal Flatts' "Here Comes Goodbye" I never put too much thought into it. I held every ounce of hope. I remember looking at the clock at school. 9:15 am. I looked at it again, 11:15 am. Once more, 2:15. I turned to my friend and told her, "Every time I look at the clock its on '15'. I remember that moment so perfectly. The school day had ended and I wanted to be alone. Instead, I went to the park with my friends. I should have went home, though. I should have been able to grieve in silence. The sky was breathtaking. I can see it. Perfectly. I took a picture of it and on the picture I can see the sun's rays. Like Heaven. I couldnt wait to get home to get my update on Layla. My heart hurted.

When I returned home, I took out my IPod and went to go see if there was an update. I remember so clearly. Like, it just happened yeterday. Worst day of my life, thus far. I read it over and over and over. Then, I whispered it. Like I didnt want to beleive. But, it was there.
"Layla went to play with the angels early this morning. Rest in peace precious Layla. 11/26/2007 - 3/9/2010"....
I fell to the ground. Hands shaking. Sobbing. I put my head in my hands. Cried. Everything was so blurry. The room was spinning. What in the world just happened. Did Layla really just die? Is this pain real? Except, I didnt feel the pain anywhere else but my heart. I was physically and emotionally drained. Again, I threw my head in my hands and whispered "No, no, no, no, no". Cried. More than I have ever cried before. The tears did not stop flowing. I cried myself to sleep that night. The feeling was like being stabbed, over and over, in my heart. But that feeling never went away. When I laugh or smile, I still feel that pain. Under everything, I feel it everyday. Every second.

Some people question me. "How do you love her so much when you never met?" "How do you miss someone you never met?." Layla pulled me out of the unknown path I was heading towards. She made my life better. She gave me reason to keep going. I hardly made it before I found Layla. She saved my life. She gave me reason to get out of bed every morning. And how can you just "drop" someone who made such an impact? Someone who moved into your heart instantly? While Layla suffered, my heart suffered with her. When she cried, I cried. When she smiled, I smiled. You cant forget someone who changed your life. Someone who gave you meaning.

Here I am, almost 8 months later. Going strong but never forgetting. I miss and love Layla more and more with each passing day. The fact that she passed slowly gasping for air, down to 18 pounds, eyes bruised and unable to lift her head, haunts me. A innocent 2 year old was gone. Forever. And the pain is still alive to this day. 10 months of fighting Stage 4 High Risk Relapse Neuroblastoma must have been so hard on her little body. She was just a baby! Now, shes cured and happy in the glory land. It doesnt mean my heart still doesnt hurt. I thank god for healing her. Even if it wasnt in the way I wanted.

Rest In Peace baby. I Love You. I Miss You.

Layla Grace Marsh
11/26/2007 - 3/9/2010

www.laylagrace.org
www.twitter.com/laylagrace

Manny- a true hero

Manny is 21 years old and in the Marines. A little while back, he was fighting like everyone else, in 115+ degree weather. Someone was watching Manny and he was fully unaware of what was about to happen to him in a few moments. He walked past a post. The person that was watching him, had planned everything. Just as Manny was walking by, a [homemade] Bomb exploded. He screamed "They got me, they got me!". Manny described the moment as clear as he remembers it- He said, "When it exploded, I wasn't thinking about what just happened. I kept telling them that they got me. I wasn't thinking about my world being over. I didn't think that way."

They came to Manny's rescue. He was flown to Germany where he was taken in for surgery. Manny had lost his hearing, eye sight and his arm. Everyone was so terrified. They all thought Manny was not going to make it. He had lost so much blood. When he came back to the states, His family arrived a hour later. Manny's mother never left his side. There he was taken into Surgery. Manny had multiple surgeries on his left ear, arm and stomach. His sight is back and the healing process is quick and easy. He hasn't yet regained all hearing in his left ear but Manny doesn't take No for an answer.

During the time that Manny was in Afghanistan, he always put his friends first. When they would take their boots off at 6, he would stay up to see if he was needed. At Midnight he would take off his boots and, once more, look out to see if he was needed. He would go to sleep every night for a couple of hours and make sure to wake up one hour before his guys. Manny looked out for them. If they were to go out and were really tired, Manny would go for them while they get rest. If they were hungry, Manny would give them his food. If he saw someone who needed help farming, he would take off gear and turn his switch off to help them. Then once he started getting shot at, he would quickly turn on his switch again and fight. The children would ask Manny for food or chocolate. Something to keep them going. They would also pray to Allah five times a day and Manny respected that. He wasn't afraid to put other people first. He talks about the accident like it was nothing. Because Manny doesn't let stuff like that bring him down. Its not the end of the world, he says. Manny is a hero.

Manny is healing very quick. His accident should have took 6 months to heal, instead it took 3 months. Manny is proof that GOD IS GREAT. He is proof that miracles do exist. When we were leaving, I went up to Manny, shook his hand and said "Thank You.." I meant it with everything I had. I wouldn't usually do that but there is a HERO in Manny. He amazes me and I am so grateful that I got to meet him. Everyone, please say a prayer for Manny and his family. I hope you were inspired by this young man as much as I was.

"Your body has no limitations." - Manny
------

I would not be here tonight, if I had to choose.
It's always the bigger things in life that seem to choose you.
You can say what you want.
Believe what you will believe

But I'll take what I want, and see what I need to see.

Thank You Marlene for letting me know about Manny. His stength inspires me so much. xo

[One Small Miracle] 7 Months On...

"Dear Lord, I ask Your blessing,
For I am still in pain.
I never thought I'd make it
To the 9th again.

These months have seemed much harder
Than I ever thought they would.
I thought that if I made it through
The first month, I'd be good.

But each day seems much tougher
Than the one that came before.
I truly hoped my pain would be
Lesser and not more.

The cloud of fog has lifted
But the pain seems more severe.
I don't think I can make it
Through another grief-filled year.

The months ahead, my dear Lord,
Will be especially tough,
For Layla's birthday is coming up.
Have I not cried enough?

While other people celebrate,
My eyes will fill with tears.
And it somehow doesn't seem right
That I carry all this fear.

Give me the strength to make it through
And help my soul to see
That Layla's safe and whole with You,
For all eternity.

Help me to feel her presence near,
The brush of angel wings,
Teach me once again to smile,
Help my spirit sing.

Turn my mourning into dancing,
As You said You would,
Help my spirit look to heaven
And to see the good.

For I know that life's eternal
When we give our hearts to You,
And someday I will be in heaven
When life on earth is through.

Let me dwell on that glad hope
And not on tears and pain.
Someday I will live with You
And be with Layla again."